Thoughts that I've been running away from for far too long

Those thoughts come and go and I try to suppress them. I can be happy, we can be happy, that's what I tell myself. But there are the gaps in between, those moments of doubt which destroys everything. I want to hurt you in the worse way possible for this, that. But it is wrong. It is wrong and selfish and I will never do it. The only thing left to do is to let those thoughts penetrate me fully. To talk about it in all honesty without running away Only not tonight